being a pessimist is great…I’m always either right or pleasantly surprised
what am i doing
hope u like it anon xoxo enjoy my pretty princess voice
POSTED 6 months ago 39 plays
me: um
me: hi..
me: i mean...
me: wait..
me: omg
me: im sorry
Dad: Wait, Loki's destroying all the frost giants even though he is one?
Me: Yup.
Dad: Why?
Me: He's trying to prove to his father, and by extension all of Asgard, that he's really one of them and that he's worthy and mansome like Thor. Also, self-loathing.
Dad: If I were his dad, this wouldn't have happened.
Me: If you were Loki's dad, our children would be born without eyelids.
Later
Dad: OH NO
Me: Calm it down, dad.
Dad: HE'S CRYING AGAIN. I HATE IT WHEN HE CRIES. MAKE HIM STOP.
Me: *sigh* Oh, would that I could.
Dad: Do you think if I gave Odin a cow and some goats he would agree to have Loki marry you so you can make sure he never cries again?
Me: First of all, you live in the suburbs and have no livestock to speak of. Second, probably not, as I am a commoner and kind of gross-looking. Third, I strongly object to the prospect of being bartered.
Dad: You're right.
Me: Thank you.
Dad: I'd probably have to give him two cows.
Later
Dad: Loki just did a pole dance.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: He sits with his legs spread like a cheap strumpet and he twirls on a pole.
Me: *laugh*
Dad: Loki's a slut.
Later
Thor: *pins Loki down with Mjolnir*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Loki: *yell* *squirm* *grunt*
Dad: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH MY GOD HAHAHAHAHA!
Later
Loki: I could have done it, father!
Dad: Oh my god.
Odin: No, Loki.
Dad: SHUT UP ANTHONY HOPKINS YOU NEGLECTFUL ASSHOLE. IF LOKI WERE MY SON I WOULD BE NICE TO HIM.
Me: *ruptures internal organs trying not to laugh*
Loki: ...
Dad: OH NO OH NO OH NO
Loki: *lets go of the spear*
Dad: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Thor: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Odin: No.
Dad: DAMNIT ODIN YOU AREN'T UPSET ENOUGH
Me: Dad, don't give yourself a palpitation.
Later
Dad: WTF Loki just comitted suicide and these assholes are throwing a feast and partying.
Me: ...
Dad: Assholegard!!!!
THE END
I feel bad for people who’ve never seen the X-Files and think it’s just a show about cheesy little green men. ya’ll are missing out on some crazy awesome shit that I’m still trippin about even though the show ended like 10 years. It lives. IT LIVES!